Violeta 0:00

Maybe we grew up with seeing resources scarce, like we grew up maybe low income or you know our parents struggled with jobs or whatever. So we grow up with that scarcity mindset. So then when we see someone winning, our brain can be like, wait, did she take my spot? But say with me, her success does not mean there is less for me. Just because you see someone else being successful doesn't mean that there's not opportunity for you anymore. It just means that success does exist. Like use it as motivation, seeing that that is possible for you. I still deal with being envidiosa. I still have those feelings of like jealousy when I see someone else being super successful. And I feel like I am not alone in this. We all have those types of feelings come up whether you want to admit it or not. So instead of pretending like we are above jealousy, because that is a human emotion that is pretty normal. The thing is, are you letting the envidia that jealousy stop you or distract you from reaching your own money goals and reaching your own success? So today we are going to talk about how to stop letting other people's success make us feel behind, make us feel bitter or defeated, and start using it as a mirror for our own money journey. But first, hola, I am Violetta, your host. I am a real estate investor and entrepreneur. I share money and entrepreneurship tips, investing, of course, in real estate. But that is on my other podcast, Real Estate Achievement. The link to that is down below. But I also like to share some mindset shift tips on here because it is a key factor in wealth building, is understanding yourself, finding those limiting beliefs and those mental blocks and learning how to overcome them. So today I want to talk about jealousy. You know, that uncomfortable feeling that creeps in when you see someone else winning. Maybe that feeling comes up when you see someone who bought their first home, who got a promotion at work, maybe their business is booming or they are investing, they're glowing, they are thriving. And meanwhile, you might be left over here thinking, like, okay, Iyokwandor, when is it going to happen to me? And here's the thing jealousy is not necessarily like evil or bad, you know. Sometimes jealousy is just grief, sometimes it's fear, sometimes it's that scarcity mindset. It can be like a part of you that you see in someone else that you wish you had. Like maybe it's confidence in going out there and doing something that you've been wanting to do. Like maybe it's starting a business, maybe it's getting into real estate investing or just investing in general. And let me tell you, it does take some work to overcome. So let's talk about that. First, let's talk about jealousy is information, it doesn't have to be your identity. If you feel jealous when you see someone else winning, that doesn't mean that you are a hater, it just might mean that you have a dream that you haven't given yourself permission to have or even want yet. In my own money journey, I've had moments when someone else's success really like hit me, and I really had to like think about it and navigate that. And it's not because like I was wishing them, you know, bad juju, or you know, like hoping that they would fail. It's more a reflection that like I wish I could win too. And that could be that you're not just jealous of the results, you might just be grieving the fact that you did not think something like that was accessible to you, that it's something achievable to you, and so all those feelings can come up as jealousy. And I feel like as a Latina, we get this instilled in us kind of early on because how many of us grew up being compared to our sibling, our hermana, our brother, whoever, our cousin, they'll be like, Mira, so-and-so, yeah, you know, segundo, oh, they start their business, whatever, X, Y, and Z. And it's not done maliciously, it is more done as like our family members think it's motivation, right? Like, oh, if we tell them about so-and-so, how they succeeded in some way, it's going to be motivation. But more than likely, you just ended up seeing them as competition. And I know I dealt with those feelings growing up, like, especially you know, growing up undocumented and everything like that. I had that grief that go ahead that, like, oh, I can't do this because I wasn't documented. So then when they said like so-and-so, E so X, Y, and Z, then yeah, that jealousy comes up, and then I see it as competition, and then you have that resentment. And so, again, it's a lot of work to work through those feelings and overcome. So, this is what I do when I feel that jealousy come up. So, when I feel those feelings, number one, you have to recognize it. Like, I think too often, because we see jealousy as something negative, which it can be, right? If you have take negative actions towards that, but the feeling itself, we tend to just kind of like be like, Oh, I'm not just being jealous. You just kind of hide it, you bury it deep. And in order to learn to overcome it, you have to recognize it first. So think about it, reflect on it. It's like, is this what I'm feeling? I'm feeling jealous, and then ask yourself, what is it that's triggering me? Why is that person's success making me feel this way? What is it that I actually want? And then you want to like separate the person from that desire because sometimes you're just you're not resenting the person themselves, you're jealous towards that win. So this is where you kind of do some mental work yourself and really dig deep and ask, like, you know, what what was triggered? Why did it trigger me? Was it like the house? Was it the success? What is it? Because I know I had that recently come up whenever like I saw on threads, there was like this creator that I can't think of their name right now, but I think she was like maybe a DAYR or something like that. I can't remember. But she went viral because she launched, I think it was like a yapping challenge or whatever, and it just blew up to the point that when she launched, she made I think over a million dollars in sales of her offer, right? And so at the beginning, you're like, Did I like oh my god, a million dollars? I mean all that. And so I really had to navigate that get I had those feelings at the beginning, and then I had to reflect on that, like, you know, why why was I like triggered? And it was because I've been working with money achievement for so long, and I had my struggles trying to do this in the military was super difficult, and then going through everything that I went through and infertility treatments and all that, I really struggled to really develop money achievement, and then now that I have more time on my hands, now I'm like at home, and I can really actually dedicate the time that I need to build money achievement and real estate achievement and really go into what my passion is and what I'm trying to do with this business, right? And so I really had to reflect on that, and then I'll get a little bit more of like actually the reality check of like this wasn't her overnight success story either. Like, I had to realize that like she's probably been working on this super hard. It took her some time to grow her following and all that stuff, and so I had to do a lot of work there as well, and so I use that more as data for myself of my feelings of what I was thinking about, and again, it was because like I've been working towards this business for quite some time, but then I just I turned it into a lesson on like okay, what can I do better? And this is where another one comes in to another example is when I see people on Instagram that blew up, they're gaining so many followers. So I have a few people that I follow that I've just been seeing them like grow, and those feelings can come up too because I've been working so hard towards like Instagram and Instagram. I I hate Instagram so much, but like I'm trying to grow on there, and instead of sitting with that jealousy, like I record like think of like okay, what can I learn from this person's journey? Because sometimes la Nvidia is just your scarcity mindset coming like rising up. Jealousy gets louder when you secretly believe there is not enough success to go around. And that's uh a misconception. Like, yes, of course, there's systems in place, there's barriers that we deal with that makes success a little bit harder, but it's still doable, it's still possible. But a lot of that stems from how we grew up, right? Maybe we grew up with seeing resources scarce, like we grew up maybe low income, or you know, our parents struggled with jobs or whatever, you know, opportunities were not abundant. So we grew up with that scarcity mindset. So then when we see someone winning, our brain can be like, wait, did she take my spot? But say it with me, her success does not mean there is less for me. Okay, just because you see someone else being successful doesn't mean that there's not opportunity for you anymore. It just means that success does exist. Like use it as motivation, seeing that that is possible for you. And again, bringing it back to the systems and the barriers, they are very much real, especially in today's political climate, in today's economy, and the wealth gap is definitely real, but that doesn't mean that somebody else's success is your loss. So, again, the way I navigate that is instead of saying, like, oh, why her, why this person, why them, I switch it to like, okay, what can I learn from them, right? What is it that I can do that is similar, or can I replicate this with what I'm trying to do? Instead of thinking of like, oh, that could never be me. I switch it to like, okay, what do I need to change for that to become possible for me? So going back to the Instagram thing, like instead of sitting with that, like, oh my god, like they're growing so big or whatever, and again, it doesn't come from a bad place. I'm realizing that, and I used to feel guilty about it too, right? Because again, jealousy is a negative emotion, right? See negatively and all that. And I had to really learn to overcome that guilt and realize that it's not like I'm hating on this person because some of these are in my network and they are my friends or whatever, my mutuals and things like that. And so I want them to succeed, but then when they do succeed, I can have those feelings, and I'm learning to feel less guilt over it and switching it to like okay, why am I feeling this? Because I obviously care for these people, my friends, my mutuals, whatever, but like, so instead of that, instead of sitting in that, I just learn from them, right? And I even, if they're my mutuals, just reach out to them and ask them, you know, like, hey, you know, este like any tips, any advice, and if not, if it's somebody that's like I'm not too familiar with. And then for example, with the Instagram thing, what I did was copy their profile links, and then I used Chat GPT to kind of like help me analyze their recent content and see what I can learn from them and how I can apply it to my content. So that's what I did recently, and so I just started like last week fixing up my content, and hopefully now I can grow by following their lead. So instead of sitting on it just being Nvidiosa, I'm learning from them. The other thing you want to limit the content that makes you spiral because when you have these, because I'm sure, and I didn't again because I kind of limit that content, I don't allow myself to fall into the trap of seeing other NVIDIA solos like really using that NVIDIA in a negative way. So, for example, that that girl that went viral that launched a million-dollar offer, I'm sure there's lots of like TikToks and content that was pushed out there, you know, talking bad about her, or maybe saying, like, oh, you know, she's scammy or whatever. Like, I don't even sit with that. I didn't even allow myself to even that come across my feed. And luckily it hasn't. Like on my threads, everyone that I saw talking about them were just so positive about it, and just being like, okay, what can we learn from this? And some of them even joined it. And matter of fact, I was thinking about joining, and you know, I was talking to another friend, and we were discussing if to join. Unfortunately, right now it's not in my budget, so maybe when she does another round of it, maybe I might join then. So yeah, I just don't feed into it, you know, curate your feed, like to ensure that you don't fall into the trap because that's where Nvidia gets toxic, right? Instead of learning from it and reflecting on it, don't fall into that trap where you just meet up with all other envidiosos, just cheese meando and just be negative about it, right? Because sometimes it's not that you're hating on her success, on that person's success. It's probably that you're just exhausted from not seeing your own yet. So you don't fall into that trap because comparison can steal your energy that you need to actually go out there and start fulfilling your own financial goals. Every minute you spend obsessing over someone else's timeline is a minute that you are not using to build your own and scrolling and falling into that trap. Like that's time that you can be spending on your own financial goals, and you don't want to sit in comparison too long. You want to use it strategically. Obviously, like with my comparison, I was using it as a tool to compare their content versus my content and see where my content is lacking, and then figuring out a strategy for that because sometimes like you might think that you are just doing that, and you are really just comparing yourself and you're just falling into that trap, and it might feel like productive, like, oh, I'm just like doing research, I'm just comparing my business to their business, and you might think it's productive, but it can really just it's just keeping your brain busy, and you analyze what they did, how they did it, X, Y, and Z. And it could really lead into down the whole, like, man, did you really do that? Like, whatever, maybe you know the dinero. Maybe, oh, for example, one that I'll get when I'll say, like, oh, you know, I make almost 100k in rental income, then they start nipicking about like, well, what about the expenses? What about this? What about that? It's like, well, still money that I'm receiving, like, do you do that with your salary? You don't, if you're making 100k or you know, 50k, 60k, whatever, that's your salary. You don't go out there like, well, actually, I make like $20,000 because after I pay my rent, after paying my bills, all that, like it's the same thing. Like, no, you still are making 60k or 100k in salary. So, same thing, but that's how like you can start falling into the trap of comparing and overanalyzing. So, also don't fall into the trap when you are trying to analyze to see how you can use their success and adapt it to yours and create a plan. So, don't fall for that trap either. Because that's where like comparison is going to make you feel like you're doing something because you're just doing research, but then again, like the NVDS still continuing and then you stay frozen. So instead of me falling into that trap, I again analyze what my trigger is, and then I decide, like, okay, I'm gonna take action within 24 hours or within the next day or two, right? Again, going back to the Instagram, instead of like sitting with that, like I went and said, like, actually, you know what? I'm gonna take some action. I'm like, I'm going to fix my Instagram content instead of feeling sorry for myself, instead of feeling like down or whatever, or just you know, saying Instagram hates me, which I say that all the time, but which I still need to fix. Like, no, I went, took action, and created 30-day content strategy based on my new ideas that I took from those accounts and applying it to my account. So now I have that, and it took me maybe an hour or so to do that, and so now I actually took action instead of not working towards my goals, and it doesn't have to be a huge action as well. Like that one again took me an hour with the help of Chat GPT. We worked together, and now I have a content strategy to execute. And yours might be like, oh, you see someone that bought their home or they did X, Y, and Z. Well, okay, maybe you're feeling dose because you want to buy your own home or you want to buy your investment property. Well, then go put maybe $25 in savings or $100 or whatever you can towards that. And at least it's taking a small action, it's doable. It starts that habit. So don't think that it's just so small towards a down payment, or maybe you go research what loans are out there that might be available to you. How do you qualify? And then you know where to go from there. And also make sure that you have your money goals like written down somewhere. And if you don't have any, like sit down and think about them because sometimes that's part of like social media distracts you from your actual goals. So, like, I have a certain amount of goals, but then I see over here, let's say, social media is another investor that is on their like hundredth property, and I you know the NVIDIA comes up, but reality I just come back to my goals. It's like, oh, you know, like I'm still being successful in my own way. Like I still own my time, I still, you know, like get to do this. I don't have to go to work. I get to spend time with my family, X, Y, and Z. And I'm still investing, I'm still working towards building. And my ultimate goal is not to own like a really huge portfolio. My goal now is to more make a difference, making intentional investments and making small impacts where I can, and then maybe eventually grow to where I can make a bigger impact. But again, just having your money goals that will keep you grounded. So, again, dealing with jealousy requires you to recognize it. We can't fake it and pretend that it's not there, that we're not feeling that jealous, because a lot of times we'll see it, we'll still congratulate them, but you know, deep down inside, we're still feeling a little bit of that embedded. And we don't want to feel that way, so we just like saying, like, no, that's not true. I'm not feeling ambivalious. I'm gonna purposely go out there and congratulate them. And we can be happy, but that doesn't mean that you don't have those feelings deep down. And so if you want to work through it, you have to acknowledge it. You know, you have to learn to overcome it. Because again, those feelings are actually telling you something about yourself. It's something that maybe you've been ignoring, a hidden desire that you don't want to allow yourself to dream of. Like maybe you don't think that real estate investing is possible for you. So then you see someone investing, and then that NVIDIA comes up, and it's just because you have those feelings of like you're feeling that you can't do it, that it's not achievable to you, but you have that dream, and so then you're just ignoring that dream, or you know that you want to, you know, save up X amount in emergency fund, or you see someone maxing out their 401k contributions, and maybe that NBA is telling you that hey, you're not contributing to yours, or you haven't opened up an investment account, and you've been avoiding that. And so because you see that one, now it's a mirror to your face saying, like, hey, you haven't been taking action. On this dream of yours, on this goal of yours. And so when you see someone else's success, it just might be that you're really misplacing disappointment or just grief or whatever and misplacing it on them. And instead of really working through your feelings and figuring out why is it that I'm feeling this way? And this can prevent you from actually achieving your goals, from actually building wealth. And you have to face it head on, which is why I wanted to make this episode because it's so important. And so just to recap, in order to help you overcome, we're going to say this is the NVIDIA reset. You're going to number one, name it, hey, I feel jealous. And then normalize it. This is human, you know. Obviously, as long as you're not like doing it with ill intentions, like wishing them sick business goes downhill or whatever. It's just a normal human feeling. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. Then work on decoding it. What is this desire trying to tell me? What is it showing me? What triggered me and why? And then again, a quick reality check. Do I actually know their full story? Like, am I judging them? Am I feeling this over that threads posts? And I don't know this person of their whole life journey, of what led them to this point. Like, I know a lot of people in my mutuals, and you know, I don't have NVD necessarily to them, but I've seen them talk about how people be like, oh, you know, you are an overnight success. Like when in reality they've been working towards this for like 10 years. Like sometimes we just don't know the story. So a little reality check on that. Like most of the time, it's not an overnight success story. And then redirect it. Learn how to redirect that energy. Redirect it into a small action that you can take for your own money journey. So sit there and be like, okay, instead of like sitting and being envidiosa and just wallowing in those feelings, like what can I learn from it? What can I apply to my own money journey? Or redirect that energy so I could work on my own financial goals. And then bless and release it. Like, you know, send out that positive vibe, those positive feelings out there and congratulate them. And that's what I do because it's like a process for me to deal with my emotions. When I feel that I'll be like, I'll sit in it, whatever, do all those steps. And then I was like, good for her, good for them. Like, you know, I don't want any because I don't want to put any bad energy towards them. So then I always make sure that I always send out positive, like, no, good for them. I wish them more success. X, Y, and Z. Now, back to me, what is my next step? So a small action can be making a debt payment, starting that high-yield savings account, going out there and asking for a salary increase, and or just even doing some research on whatever financial goal you're trying to achieve. And again, write down your financial goals so that way you have something on paper to come back to. But yeah, today's episode was more about money mindset and you know, just your personal financial journey. And I want to invite you to sign up for my newsletter because that's where I talk about more in-depth of these things. I share my own journey, I share about my own struggles, my fears, X, Y, and Z, especially with real estate investing. I've been really sharing some of that in my newsletters. So definitely if that interests you, go out there. And of course, I always share more money tips and also you stay up to date with the episode, what's been going on with money achievement, with real estate investing, all of that. That information, the link to sign up is down below. And remember, jealousy does not mean you are a bad person, it just means that maybe something needs your attention, maybe it needs some action that you need to take. And speaking of action, I am going to ask that you share this episode. You know, like this episode, rate this episode because it helps money cheese made grow. And as always, thank you for being here and being part of the money cheese comunidad. And I will see you in the next episode. Bye.